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about me

why do i create?

when i told my dad i was gonna stop acting

he almost crashed the car

into the ford f150 in front of us

on the cross island expressway.

"what, what did i say?"

"what are you talking about?"

"i'm not an actor anymore."


"cause we're poor."


"we can't afford acting school."


"i'm gonna drop out"


"i'm not an actor anymore"


"cause we're poor."

"what are you gonna do instead?"

"i was thinking about joining the army."

"the army???"


and after my dad

finally stopped loading the chamber with questions

all was quiet in the western front 

until my dad punctured the veil cloaked between us


"you're not going to the army. 

you're an artist. 

stay an artist."


it always confused me why he told me 

to continue my art. 

i thought i was doing the right thing

i thought my dad would be proud 

i was carrying on the ancient and glorious korean tradition 

of reducing our dreams to sulfur 

trading a loaf of our hearts 

in exchange for peace. 

we've been giving up on our aspirations

since the joseon dynasty 

but i found out 

that my dad wanted to be an artist

a writer

until he had to serve in the military 

and get married

and get a job

and start a family

and leave the country 

and start all over 

and pick up all the pieces

and leave his dreams behind

let it bleach in the sun 

until it shrivels in the bitterness

curdles in the sand

and he wanted to save me 

from being another victim 

of generational heartbreak. 


i want to be a voice for those

who feel like they have to 

contort their bodies 

into the shape of something

uniform and opaque 

regalia woven with apathy 

by hands that don't care for tears 

unless they escape eyes colored blue

and graze the cheeks 

of those with fairer skin. 

our pain deserves to be seen.

our joy deserves to be seen. 

our culture deserves to be seen. 

our beautiful inheritance deserves to be seen. 

i want to show it to everyone who will listen. 

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