about me
why do i create?
when i told my dad i was gonna stop acting
he almost crashed the car
into the ford f150 in front of us
on the cross island expressway.
"what, what did i say?"
"what are you talking about?"
"i'm not an actor anymore."
"why?"
"cause we're poor."
"and?"
"we can't afford acting school."
"and?"
"i'm gonna drop out"
"because?"
"i'm not an actor anymore"
"why?"
"cause we're poor."
"what are you gonna do instead?"
"i was thinking about joining the army."
"the army???"
"yeah."
and after my dad
finally stopped loading the chamber with questions
all was quiet in the western front
until my dad punctured the veil cloaked between us
"you're not going to the army.
you're an artist.
stay an artist."
it always confused me why he told me
to continue my art.
i thought i was doing the right thing
i thought my dad would be proud
i was carrying on the ancient and glorious korean tradition
of reducing our dreams to sulfur
trading a loaf of our hearts
in exchange for peace.
we've been giving up on our aspirations
since the joseon dynasty
but i found out
that my dad wanted to be an artist
a writer
until he had to serve in the military
and get married
and get a job
and start a family
and leave the country
and start all over
and pick up all the pieces
and leave his dreams behind
let it bleach in the sun
until it shrivels in the bitterness
curdles in the sand
and he wanted to save me
from being another victim
of generational heartbreak.
i want to be a voice for those
who feel like they have to
contort their bodies
into the shape of something
uniform and opaque
regalia woven with apathy
by hands that don't care for tears
unless they escape eyes colored blue
and graze the cheeks
of those with fairer skin.
our pain deserves to be seen.
our joy deserves to be seen.
our culture deserves to be seen.
our beautiful inheritance deserves to be seen.
i want to show it to everyone who will listen.